The most special of Valentine's Days!

Valentine's 2013 marks my very favorite Valentine's Day ever.  Talk about Valentine's Day being redeemed ;)  Andy decided we'd make this years' Valentine's Day about family.  He didn't have to go to work today and so he choose to have us all spend time together doing things we all love. I loved this idea.

Andy let me sleep in until 8:15 and it would have been longer if I didn't have a mandatory meeting to attend.  That is love, ya'll.  In this family, that's like the epitome of love.  We do NOT get good sleep around here.

Next, Andy wanted me to pick where to eat for lunch, suggesting the mall so we could walk around as a family together or La Chatelaine.  La Chat it was! (since Cy was still in school and loves the mall.)  We enjoyed our time, the kids were blissful and I felt so blessed.  So much peace and joy.

After naps, we went to pick up the rest of our #happyholts clan, Cy and shortly headed to the mall to walk around and get dinner.  We shared a Sbarro Pizza after walking into the kids' favorite stores.  I kinda love that they know they won't get anything as it takes a load off, ya know?  I am also so thankful they do not wine and cry about it, either.  Not perfect but pretty darn good if you ask me!

Our time was full of so much laughter and fun.  It was freeing taking the whole family out and not feeling stress or anxiety.  Just a really good time.  I kept seeing people look at us and smile.  It's refreshing to be looked at with smiles and not the expected look of horror due to so many kids and a boy who may seem, "a little off".

 My Valentines :D

 She was walking around basically pretending to be my personal shopper.  It rocked :)

When people look at our lives and are horrified by all we are going through or they think "I am so glad that's not me!", people may not think we know what they are thinking, but it truly is all over their faces.  But ya know what's really great.  It's also sensed when people are not thinking those things and are just willing to serve and come along side us, not in horror but with true agape' love.  That's what we have felt so much of at our church, LifePoint Columbus.  I'm so, so thankful for that.  We don't expect people to understand what we are going through, that's just silly.  I just don't want to be looked at as if we are freaks...we are really blessed.  To God be the glory!

Anywho, we finished our night with a prayer meeting.  Originally, I was going to take Zeke by myself and Andy was going to put the other kids to bed.  When Cy and Eisley found this out, they wanted to go and with me and Zeke even after I told them what we were going to do.  What a blessing!  It's been very challenging getting the older two, specifically Cy to be willing to understand even a little, what Zeke is going through (and rightfully so!).  It's been hard to watch them constantly frustrated with Zeke and not show grace.  But tonight, redemption happened.  We went as a family to pray for Zekey and so much more happened!

God's word was preached and people came along side our family and the chaos it's bound to bring in the midst of a meeting of this kind with 4 kiddos. It was beautiful, encouraging and brought much hope.

Prayer is huge.  Prayer isn't meant to be a last resort.  Actually, before posting what we go through in this life on FB or Twitter feed, Instagram, etc., we really should be taking our hearts to the one who isn't going to hear you once and forget shortly after.  He isn't going to glance at his "feed" and give a short thought to your situation and keep scrolling.

No. God, our heavenly father desires us to desire Him.  He's the only one who can bring comfort in an uncomfortable situation.  He's the only one who can heal the "unhealable".  Yahweh is the only one who will never stop listening and will always be willing to give you His gift of life through His son, Jesus Christ.

Accepting all that God has done for us isn't easy.  Not when the enemy is at work, trying to keep us from truth.  Let us choose to believe today.  To choose to tell Him your thoughts/feelings/doubts/fears first. 

Jesus, God, The Holy Spirit.  They are all at work, in unity.  It's the most beautiful dance one could be a part of and 'a part of', is what they desire for you.  Won't you join in this dance?

Love.

Little Valentine Skirt and Birthday Blurb

The other day, I used a coupon to grab some "not so Valentines-y" fabric to make Eisley and possibly a matching skirt for Bexley.

Well, last night Andy was reading and although I was tired and ready for bed at 7:30, I decided to give it a go and make Eisley a skirt.

I had no pattern, no measurements, no skirt to look at.  So, I measured out the best I could and created this little skirt for her to wear to her Valentine's Day party.

 I love the outfit she put together...I always do ;)

 Look at that cute little booty ;) 

I'm so glad I took the plunge.  It took less than 2 hours to make.  I have been telling her I would make her skirts for far too long and I just haven't sat to my machine and taken time.

There needs to be a few alterations, but I won't get to them so we'll just make sure to measure her next time.

And, let it be known that on February 4th, Eisley Bree turned 5.  I cannot even believe it.  I look at pics of her as a baby and I cannot believe the beautiful little girl she has grown into.

She randomly tells me that she wants to be a momma when she grows up, but also a teacher.  I tell her she can do both!  The last time she replied, "But, I think I want to be a mom first."  I really, truly just want her to follow Gods lead as she gets older.  I kinda love that her heart is so much like mine as a little girl...I look at her and see so much of me and through her, I have so many great childhood memories to ponder.

Life with Eisley is full of silly laughter, fashion and hair tantrums (almost daily), random dancing,  grace-filled forgiveness, willingness to serve and help out, playing so well with her little siblings, choosing to go second when we get down to it, and a sweet example of a very obvious way God has blessed Andy and I.

Looking back this year...

 Age 4

 Age 4

Age 4

 4th birthday

  Age 4

 Showing me how she cut her hair.  :Sigh: Age 4

4 months with her biggest fan :)

Age 1.  My how time changes things :)

Age 2. 

Age 3

And now, the big 05!

Pretty and sweet as ever!

She is such a joy to have in our life.  I just cannot imagine life without her.  Here's to a million more dates to La Chatelaine! 

I love you, Eisley Bree.

Gospel-sharin' Valentine's! DIY!

Last year, the cranky me wrote a blog post about redeeming Valentine's Day (it does need redeemed) ;)  This year, I thought of a way I could bring that DIY into my kids' classrooms and share the gospel!

A puzzle for your child's classmates to enjoy!  And whether they are learning how to love by their parents or not, you can help them with this fun Valentine(even memorize it!) all while sharing some Jesus in their home! 

It's like a free card to "Preach it, sista!" without being "preachy".  I will let you know how many phone calls and eye rolls I get...I'll take your prayers, please.

Here's how!

!. Get in a crafty mood.  You must be in a crafty mood to get this, well, crafty.  It's not hard, it's just...crafty.

2. Supplies : Scissors, glue stick, glitter glue, piece of foam (or thick paper for tracing), 2 color choices of poster-board.  As you can see, I chose white and red.  Computer and printer.

3. Take a scrap piece of paper and fold in half.  Draw your best heart, girl!  Actually, your best "half" heart.  Then cut.  Fat hearts=Cute hearts (This applies to crafting only.  Usually, fat hearts = near death)

 4. Trace your pretty, fat heart onto foam then cut.it.out.  I bought foam shapes at the Target $1 bin.  Score.

5. Now, trace your FOAM, fat, pretty heart onto choice a of your poster-board.  Mine being red.

6. Take the opposite color poster-board (choice b) and cut it into a square that is bigger than your cute, fat, pretty heart.

7. Grab you FOAM heart again and place it center of choice b poster-board (mine being white) and trace the heart with your glitter glue.  Found this at the $1 bin at JoAnn's.  Scrore.

 8. Peel the FOAM heart back slowly while holding onto choice b poster-board.  Ta-dah!

9.At this point you can go to your computer, look up 1 Cor. 13 4-7 and without getting struck dead, change the longer phrases to smaller ones again, without skimping on Truth.  Example, "Love does not rejoice in evil but rejoices with the truth." was changed to, "Rejoices in truth, not injustice".

If the verse says "not", be sure to keep that but if it is an "always", you can skimp to save room.

In the same font but much larger, type "What is Love?"

Print both out and start cutting.

10. Place your "what love is" cut-outs on your heart to be sure they fit AND just to get them organized.  There's only one rule.  Don't let the words touch each other and there will be no way you cannot turn it into a puzzle!

11. Glue your "What is Love?" on your glitter heart and voila!

Time consuming?  Eh, a bit.  But if you have older kids, they can help cutting and tracing!  This may take 2 evenings or 2 sets of nap-times.  Be sure to consider dry time on the glitter-glue.

Enjoy!  Happy Valentine's Day!

Being a fool For God...

I want to always be willing to be a fool to the world because they see the things I do and hear the things I say.  I knew that the past few days, with Zeke miraculously being seizure-free was an opportunity for me to become a "fool for God."  I was willing, just as I was the day I prayed over the man at Target who was having a seizure.

Here is the story.  Friday of last week was the 3rd day Zeke was having days full of seizures.  I even called the neorologist's office to ask what to do.  They didn't seem too concerned since he is diagnosed with retractable seizures and when I asked what they would do if I took him into the hospital, she said they would just give him meds to stop the seizures and be sent home afterwards.  I asked her "And when they start up again, then what?"  She didn't really have an answer.  She just kept saying, "Well, if this is normal for him, then...but if it's not then..."

I didn't feel good about the situation, obviously.  I was holding my son, seizing and didn't feel taking him to the hospital was going to do much good.  I held him all day long (somehow with 4 kids, I make it work) and Andy and I felt like we were going to loose him.

That night, I went out with a friend and she asked how Zeke was and I said, "I just don't know how much longer we will have with him.  God has to intervene or he's just not going to survive."  And honestly, a life of seizure after seizure with meds and their side effects, doesn't seem like much of a life to live.  On those days, I beg God to take him if He is not going to heal him on earth because I know he will be whole in heaven.  No tears, no pain, no seizures...Zeke, all wrapped up in God's image.

This blog post was supposed to be written two nights ago so I could tell you all about God's miracle in Zeke.  Because, miraculously, with a slight med change, on a very, very low dose and a 1-2% chance of success, Zeke started becoming seizure free.  And then again for another day...I was convinced it was a miracle!  God was answering our prayer of healing in Zeke and His kingdom was making it's way into Zeke's body, making him whole.

And because I answer to God and not you, or FB friends, blog viewers or Twitter followers, I was willing to be, A fool for God.

Why?  Because, well, basically God is calling me to that.  And ya know what?!  It's sometimes annoyingly difficult.  It's hard to go against the grain and constantly push out the fears, anxieties, and "ya right!'s".  It's hard not to try and figure out what we did or didn't do that day which caused him to be siezure`free and basically make myself insane...

But at the same time, when I do push all of those out of my mind and away from my heart, I feel at peace, I feel hope, I feel wrapped up in the Holy Spirit.  The lies, they try to kill the truth.  The lies try to suffocate what God's doing, even when I am often wondering myself.

The Withered Fig Tree

20In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. 21Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!”

22“Have^f faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.^g”

Zeke is having seizures again.  So, is it not a miracle?  I can't say it wasn't...too many things were going against all odds for it to be anything but God.  God showed mercy those two days...I got to enjoy my son seizure free for TWO DAYS!!!  God's kingdom is coming in Ezekiel.  If we let him and seek him and allow Him to change us, God's kingdom is coming in ALL of us...because we are ALL in need of redemption.

God tells me and you to pray with a believing heart.  He doesn't tell me to worry about what people will say, or to doubt His goodness or ability to heal or deliver us from something.  He isn't telling me to cover my ground, making sure there isn't any way that this wasn't a miracle such as waiting a little longer to be sure the seizure-free days continued on.  No.  He's calling me to be a fool for Him.  To trust him with all of me, to believe in him with every breath, not to worry, not to fear...but to believe and just keep on following him.  Oh, and "just love."

This Sunday, Pastor Dean preached a good message and I was able to really apply it to our life and situation with Zeke.  If you love Jesus, you are promised trials.  It's part of the curse, but it's also God helping us to remember our need for Him.  Read James 1

James 1:12
¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

So, when trials come, how we respond in them is key.  How we endure them has an impact on us and those around us.  Jesus endured the cross and with that power,  through the Holy Spirit, we can endure the trials in this life. 

I leave you with this.  If you have been given a set of followers whether that be through FB, Twitter, your blog, classrooms, church congregation, workplace, life in general...did I leave anyone out?  I beleive God wants us to remember that our main purpose on this earth is not to be the best writter, the funniest friend, the most creative, the most successful Etsy shop owner, the most Pinterest-doer (I think I got all the areas I have struggled with...well, probably not.) but we are here to glorify Him, to share the good news and make disciples.  I think we all need to give ourselves and our lives a good look (and I am seriously the first to jump in line!) and ask how we can be doing this better. 

Colossians 4
 ² Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. ³ And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. ⁴ Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. ⁵ Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. ⁶ Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

We need to look up.  Look up at the God who is worthy of ALL our praise and start sharing that to those all around us.

Are you willing to be a fool for God?

P.S. If you are still praying for Zeke, thank you and please don't stop!  Please feel free to share any prayer requests you may have...I have readers who are prayer warriors and hopefully they will pray for you too!

Blessings

A different kind of birthday...

This past Thursday, January 24th was my 28th birthday!  I am happy to be 28 and thankful for another year to further my faith, become more of the Breena God has created me to be, share the good news, be the blessed wife of Andrew over at TheSometimesPreacher.com and momma to my 4 sweet blessings.  God is so good!

This has been a trying year but I know God is working and will continue to and so I'll just soak Him all up, as much as I can daily. 

One thing I am reminded of and humbled by often is how much God believes in me.  I see this through how much He keeps stretching my faith in Him.  Some moms who have a child with epilepsy put their child on a grueling diet that is difficult for all who are involved in that family and they reap great reward and can soon move forward to better health for their child.  Other moms are blessed to have meds work, on a low dose and be able to take their child off after a few years and celebrate.

This has not been our story with Zeke, and that's okay.  Each of our stories are going to be unique to us.  In our story, we have exhausted so many of these options to help Zeke and eventually, they don't work as we'd like.  God keeps on saying, "I will take care of Him.  Let me get the glory."

I keep feeling like God wants Zeke's story of healing to be so big and so powerful that no one could deny that God blessed us with a miracle of healing.  I love this idea, but it takes great faith to constantly believe in such a wonderful/supernatural thing.  But, I see that God is getting a group of like-minded believers around me who feel stretched to believe this as well and it's so empowering and beautiful!

Thursday night, Andy and I planned to go out to dinner and grab dessert to celebrate.  LifePoint's children's pastor, Mark found a sitter for us, specifically one for Zeke as he has special needs...I cannot STOP singing praises of our church!  Such SERVANT'S HEARTS, they have! 

I got an email a little bit before from a friend via Facebook (yes, I took the plunge and re-joined!)who told me a beautiful story of healing and how I should check out this group of prayer warriors.  They happened to be meeting that night AND at my dentist's office!  I was like, "Yeah!  Let's take him!"

So, all dolled up for my hot date, we decided to take Zeke to this prayer meeting.  I wanted to prepare my heart so I took 10 minutes and I just cried my eyes out to God begging for him to give us the gift of healing in Zeke.  I cried telling him I believed that He could heal with just one thought or word.   I just wanted Him to hear my plea and say, "yes."

The meeting was great.  It was for sure a blessing and full of people with believing hearts who have seen miracles through healing, even with autistic kids.  They prayed over Zeke and told us this was going to be a rough journey but encouraged us in God's truth.  Reminding us that God is healer, Jesus already took our brokenness and disease at the cross and that we just needed to jump in with both feet in believing God is going to heal our sweet boy.

This is for sure a leap of faith for both Andy and I as we have always known God can heal, but we believed that God doesn't have to heal.  But, there is so much freedom in Christianity in that we don't have to worry about what God does and doesn't have to do, that's a given, but to focus on what He wants to do.  We want to focus on God's will for Zeke.  God's will is for Zeke to be healed.  It's just a journey to get there.  We have to pray believing.  Why pray for Zeke to be healed and focus on the idea that, "He probably won't".  Why cut God short?! 

So, we pray constantly for the Holy Spirit to bless Zeke with healing and ask for more faith.  I always tell God I don't have enough faith and to give me more.  So far, he hasn't told me no and it's through people, life or His word (as I read it in a new light, believing more than ever) that I gain more faith.  Asking and receiving...so thankful!

After the prayer meeting, we took Zeke back home, put the kids to bed and we were sent back out for dinner. :)  It was a lovely time!  We talked about growing in our faith, all that life has thrown us and how excited we are to see how God's story, through us, will unfold.  Wherever that may be...

How has God blown you away by answering a prayer with more than you could have dreamed up yourself?  What are your thoughts or experiences in physical healing? 

The next night, we went to Toledo to celebrate with my family.  My momma made my favorite "Chinese Chicken Salad" and homemade eggrolls.  YUM!

Here are some pics to share!

 My birthday dress, via my MIL. (She doesn't know she bought it!) haha!

 My day in a nutshell.  Hot date and free Caribou Coffee!

 I wanted brownies with my momma's frosting with a rainbow...my older brother, Jarret had a thing or two to say about this choice ;)

 My momma and daddy hanging with Zekey.  He loves music!

Grammy Cuddles!

 Awesome gift from my FIL for the kids to play with...they love it!

Grammy cuddles :)

Well, I asked, didn't I?

I didn't really know what I was asking, but it is all coming together now. 

For the last 9 months, as Zeke's health has been slowly taken away, I have prayed, "May your kingdom come, on earth, in Ezekiel's body, as it is in heaven.  Because, in heaven is where we will see God's will.  Wholenss and that may be the first place I get to hear my son talk.

It all started (well not really, but the obvious prayers/answers) the other night I prayed and cried out to God asking why everything was falling apart. 

"God, you are taking away EVERYTHING!  Ember, Andy's job, Zeke's health which leads to basically no little to no quality time with any of them, our home, our friends, our new church, Andy's car.  What's next?!  Why are you letting this happen to us?  What can we do to make things right?!" 

God's response?  He ever so gently said, "But Breena, these are not your things in the first place."  Whap.  Smack. Thud.

"Oh, right...."

Then I responded, "But, you can see that all of this is bringing out the deepest sin in my life!  I'm a monster because I can't  figure out Zeke's diet, I H.A.T.E his seizure's because they rob me of this beautiful boy you've given me and they rob me of enjoying my other children.  You can clearly see that we are suffering beyond what we want to handle.  How am I supposed to be the wife and mother you want me to be, I want me to be, if everything in my life is falling apart?!  Answer me!!!!  How?!?!"

And He heard me and He answered again.  "Breena, just love."

Sob.Sob.Sob.

My biggest area of sin in my life is anger.  It comes quickly when feel afraid because of a situation dealing with someone I love that I cannot control.  I hate it. 

With everything I am juggling in my life, I needed God to answer with simplicity.  I didn't know how many rules I gave myself, that I was clearly breaking all the time in the chaos of my life, but God wasn't giving me rules.  He was reminding me of a simple commandmant, to just love and that if I just let these words, His words ring in my ear, it will give much room to the Holy Spirit as my sinful self dissolves into the background.  It really is a beautiful thing.

Today was a good day.  Not because Zeke didn't have many seizures.  No, he had a lot but I didn't let his seizure's have control over how my day would go like I have every.other.day.

I went into Zekey's room at 5:15 a.m. and cuddled him.  I spoke softly even when he would seize and I wanted to scream and force the seizure's right out of him.  I told him I loved him, I told him I was sorry for getting angry a lot.  I told him that I knew it wasn't his fault.  I told him I just want Jesus to heal him.  I told him I was thankful God gave him to me.  And guess what?  Instead of making sounds to get out of bed and throwing a massive fit, he let me cuddle him and love on him and well, he listened. 

When I said, "Zekey, I love you so much!  Do you love mommy?!"  He replied, "EH!" as he smiled really big and then shyly looked away.  I then shared the gospel with him like I did with my other two around this age.  Not for the first time, obviously, but at this age the other two accepted Jesus in their hearts so I thought I'd just remind Zeke of all Jesus has done for him.  He said, "Jesus" in a prayer which he hasn't said in a long time...

God gave me that special moment with Zeke and it helped prove the lies in my head wrong.  Zeke doesn't need to me fight for him so hard which leads to my anger when things, daily, do not go my way.  Zeke just needs, love. 

Sure, he needs me to measure out every meal, he needs me to get his therapy straightened out, he needs me to walk him when his seizures cause him to fall down...but above all these really great things, he just needs loved.  To not feel like a burden, to not feel like a project I'm trying to perfect.

And this pours out into my other kids.  If I'm not giving room for anger, I can "just love" them, too.  I can respond lovingly when they ask me to do something for them or when they ask the same question over and over while I'm trying to measure out Zeke's food, or put him to bed, or, or, or....

While I (verbally) processed what God was telling me with Andy, I realized one more thing.  When I ask God so many times, "May Your kingdom come...", it really is.  It opened my eyes that until Jesus comes back, the way we view this temporary space we have been given in this very broken world, can be a very strong and evident way that God's kingdom comes in our world.

Think about it, in God's complete kingdom, we will not have the cares of this world.  We will not desire things more than God himself.  We will not struggle with control or  loving our children more than our relationship with God.  We'll be stripped of the evil part of these wonderful blessings God gives us and it will leave us with these gifts from God, shed in a new light.  A light that's righteous and good and with no fault.

So, as God takes away all of these things in my life I can see Him answer my prayer.  He's showing me that my house, my kids, our "security", health...it can all be taken away but God still stands firm.  He doesn't change, He doesn't wavor.  Nothing shakes him.  And I can look up and see Him a litte bit more for who He is.  A loving Father who is showing me more of His kingdom and less of this world. 

To close, I've been asking Him how I am supposed to praise Him in all of this.  I even told Him I wasn't going to praise Him unless I really felt it.  But, I wanted to.

So, through all of this I can praise Him, not for the bad things in my life...nope.  I don't care for these things, but I can praise Him for humbling me and being involved in my prayers with actual responses as I see a bit more of Him and I get to see His kingdom coming...

Wow.  Praise You, God!  You've heard me, answered me and even loved me through all of my anger and tears, doubt and faithlessness. 

We are selling our home, which we were going to do anyway.  But now, there's not a clear destination.  We know we have a place in Toledo if needed which is beyond a blessing as not many people have a place to fall back on.  But, we have friends and a church here and we truly feel called here.  So, we wait on the Lord.  We pray for Andy to find a job but in the end, we say, "God, where you lead us, we will follow."

It was like heaven...

Today.  If I could bottle it up, I would.  I would place it in a clear jar, close the lid tight and look upon it whenever I needed a reminded of God's goodness.

Oh, here come some more tears.  Our day started off going to our "new" church.  It's funny, after attending even just 6 weeks, I feel like I don't have to say "new".  I could easily leave it at, "our church."  After Ember had to close, I feared so much having to find a church that we felt God was calling us to, preached God's word well, could handle Zeke and of course, finding a whole new community. 

As we took maybe...maybe one week off to just take in our crazy life before looking for churches, we prayed God would find us one quickly.  I just felt like he should at least do that, since it felt like the rest of our lives were crumbling to pieces.  (Seriously, ask anyone who did life with us, or read here.)

Praying that prayer and not really believing God would bless it, He totally did.  I knew He didn't owe us anything, so I didn't expect it.

The first week Andy went to a church and left knowing it wasn't the place for us.  The second, he thought, "This could be the one!"  And, the rest is history!  LifePoint Church has been so genuinely loving, helpful, and it has been a real blessing watching these pastors meet with my husband often to get to know him.  We are quickly connecting and I can leave all of my kids knowing they are not only going to have fun, as many people care so (too) much about, but truly be taught about Jesus.  So, if you are looking, please consider.  I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, but you knew that ;)

My heart is broken (in a good way) every time we attend.  God's done a lot in my heart in the few weeks we have attended and I am so thankful.  The pastors are genuine, and reach out without putting themselves at only arms length.  And if you must know, you fellow music and art snobs, the music-worship and graphics and are amazing and God=breathed.  I'm just so, so excited!

Anyway, we brought some friends with us from Ember who are dear to us.  They loved it too but I wasn't really expecting anything less ;)  We got to spend lunch with them and another dear couple-friend of ours, also from Ember.  We decided we would make this a tradition so we can all see each other like we used to, dang-it!  It was full of laughter, good conversation, catching up and honestly, my kids really love them all too.  They are that great. :)

The best part of my day?  It was after an hour into the morning and I noticed that Zeke wasn't having siezures. 

*A catch-me-up for those of you who do not know*.  Yesterday morning, Zeke had his worst seizure yet.  His ketones (He's on the ketogenic diet) were low (not good) and he ended up having a seizure.  We had to use meds to get him out of it and he quickly went back into another.  It was so discouraging.
Typically, his seizures (small ones, not large ones that he doesn't come out of) are the worst in the morning and then gradually get better throughout the day only to start from scratch again the next morning. 

So, this morning I noticed (because I watch him like a hawk), Zeke wasn't having ANY seizures.  I was in disbelief. I was racking my brain wondering what we did the day before that would be making this dream a reality.  Then, like a ton of bricks I thought, His ketones were non-existant last night (again, NOT.GOOD.), there's NO WAY he should be seizure free.  Guys.  It didn't. Make. Sense.  The only answer was God.

I got in the shower and prayed as I cried my eyes out saying, "Oh, God!  What is this?! I have done everything on my end to save Zekey but in the last 2 weeks, all I do for him, measuring out every meal, taking him to the chiropractor a half hour a way 3 x's a week, giving him meds,  these have all mysteriously fallen apart with no real reason.  Is this you?!  Is this your healing hand?!  I have tried everything, you know.  Can this  please be you because what I'm doing is just my way of not testing you.  All my efforts are not only exhausting but they cannot bring eternal healing.  But you, You oh God, you can heal him forever more.  I want this to be you, I want the only reason for Zeke's healing to be because you have poured out Your grace and healing."

This is the God I serve.  This is the God I believe in.  This God who lets me cry out to Him like a baby, informally, lacking faith.  He meets me where I am and holds me near, listening to every word I say.  He hasn't left us but His ways are higher, He is working in the hearts of people in my life as they watch in horror to all that has gone on in the last 9-10 months.

Oh, did I mention Andy lost his job.  Yes, yes he did.  The Friday after Christmas.  How kind of them. ;)  Compared to all we have gone through with our sweet, sweet Zekey boy, this was almost laughable.  Laughable because it was such an evil, unfair, untrue act but it happened all the same.  We could fight it but we won't.  We believe God is in even this. 

The verse that came to my mind immediately as Andy texted me the word, "fired" was, "Vengeance is mine!"sayeth the Lord.  And I left it at that.

So, I go to bed with fear and hope fighting each other in a cloud of smoke.  And as I type this, I remember my life verse(s). 

Jeremiah 17:7-8
7"But blessed are those
    who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord
    their hope and
    confidence.
8They are like trees planted
    along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep
    into the water.
Such trees are not bothered
    by the heat.

Today was a gift from God himself.  What tomorrow brings, I do not know.  But I can cling to truth.  Tomorrow is in God's hands, so is Zeke's life and all of my other sweet babe's too.  I must look at it as a reminder to be thankful while believing with God, all things are possible.  Please pray with us.

      Bottle.it.up. #sothankful

And an insecurity P.S.~  I have little time to blog but I am reminded again and again, not with number of views but with responses from some of you on how God's using our story to help you through yours, that is why I keep doing this.  I don't have time to make it look perfect or edit it down.  I am not one to act like life is sugar-coated and all smiles and puppy dogs.  But to be able to see Jesus in the Sh*t, I believe, is to see Heaven come nearer.  May Your kingdom come, Lord Jesus.  Amen.